I woke up Monday morning feeling exhausted, numb and just plain depressed. I got up and did the usual things, the same as yesterday in the hope that my mood might improve as the weather gets better. But alas, Today I woke up in the same mood.
Could it be the exhausting weekend we had driving, the amount of money I have to spend on bills and presents and petrol just to get through Christmas. The new job and the erratic and non reliable hours or the personal problems that keep consuming me.
Whatever it is, I have a happy little 4 year old waiting for me to get my act together.
I'm heading out today for Coffee with friends, This will help. Change of routine and getting out of the house is always a pick me up.
How do you lift your mood when your having a bad day? Any tips?
What moves through us is a silence, a quiet sadness, a longing for
one more day, one more word, one more touch, we may not understand why
you left this earth so soon, or why you left before we were ready to say
good-bye, but little by little, we begin to remember not just that you
died, but that you lived. And that your life gave us memories too
beautiful to forget.
I'm about 9 years old and I remember hearing my Mum & Dad talking in hushed tones, they normally only do this when they are talking about something that we (kids) should not hear. I tried not to listen but I heard the word cancer and then hospital and felt sick. I did not know what cancer was, I just knew that it made people sick and that some people die. Why were my parents talking about such things?
Fast forward to the next day, Mum, Dad, us three kids and I think my grandparents were sitting at the dinner table. This only happens when something serious happens. My first thought was that maybe my little brother had tried to put the cat in the toilet again, but I noticed the cat curled up on the step outside and felt sick again. As Mum & Dad spoke I heard the words Cancer & Hospital again.....only this time I heard the word Mummy. Mummy had cancer and she had to go to hospital. It was just a quick operation to remove a spot on her back that was making her sick, she would be back home in a few days and that was it. And that's what happened, they cut the skin cancer off and sent her home. Everything went back to normal.
Fast forward 12 months (My time frame is a little sketchy). Me, my little sister and brother were sitting in the back of our car, with my big sister or grandma (again memories are blurry) in the front and Mum driving us to the Melbourne show. We were so excited. Mum had to stop off at the doctors, something about X-rays she had of her head. I found this funny (being what 10 years old) because why would you get an x-ray of your head? I remember watching her walk into the doctor from the car and wondering if maybe Mummy wanted a new head, because I really liked her head, I planned to tell her this, but then I saw her looking very sad as she walked back to the car. Mummy said we had to go back home, we could not go to the Show anymore. We got upset because we were so excited, but I soon shut up because I saw again that Mummy was sad. We drove home in silence. I remember hearing Mummy talking to my big sister or Grandma about her brain and that word again....Cancer. I felt sick, I cried, but pretended that I was mad because I could not go to the show. When we got home Daddy was waiting. I'd heard enough in the car to know something scary was about to happen and that Mummy was sad and had not stopped crying. Mummy went into her room and kept crying. I stood at the door and stared outside. I felt sick, confused and scared. I was also worried about my brother & sister, maybe they were sad too? Should we all be sad? What was going on? Daddy came and told me off because I was being selfish for crying about not going to the show. He said I had to try and understand that Mummy was sick and that we could go next year. I did not tell Daddy why I was really sad, he should help Mummy stop crying.
I remember my little sister and me went for a walk, We did not say much to each other, just both lost in whatever place out heads were in. I do remember asking my sister if she thinks that Mummy would still be alive next year to take us to the show, we both agreed that we did not know.
The next few months were a blur of visits to the hospital, watching Mummy get her head bandaged, watching her be sick, watching her laugh, watching her cry, watching her try to make everything normal again. Always being there even when she was sick. I remember noticing one day that one side of her face did not move when she smiled. But she still sounded the same and smelt the same and laughed the same. Things started to get better again, we were all happy.
Things were normal again, I'm now 12 years old, I'm sitting in the front seat of the car while Mum goes into the office to grab something. I got bored and looked for something to read while I waited. I open the glove box and pulled out some pamphlets. There it was again.........Cancer. Breast cancer? I remember just feeling so overwhelmed, like my head was about to explode. I was old enough now to understand a little more, but not old enough to process all this CRAP. How much cancers were there? I was mad and felt sick. Mum got back in the car, i handed her the breast cancer pamphlet and asked her if she had breast cancer, I stared at her eyes, she stared me back and said no, she was just having all the checks done. She did not want the doctors to miss anything again. I relaxed and back to normal we went.
Fast forward a few weeks, Mum came into my room and told me she had cancer again, but that it was nothing to worry about, it as in her cervix this time and that it was easily treated. She made jokes about how the radiation would make her grow a second head and a few more arms. I remember being totally OK. Again i remember lots of trips to the hospital, Mum being sick, Mum being OK, Mum being sick, going shopping, picking us up from school, being sick, and all being OK again.
I turned 13, Mum, Dad, Grandma and Granddad, my little Sister and brother we there. Even my big sister and her husband were there. We had so much fun. Dinner, lots of family photo's and I remember Mum being so happy, I remember being so happy, but for some reason so very sad at the same time, like this would never happen again. I shoved those stupid thoughts out of my head.
The rest is a blur. The tumor came back in her brain again, they operated and treated her with chemotherapy. I remember lots and lost of trips to the hospital. I just always expected her to come home again, to get better like all the other times. She did come home eventually after months and months of being so far away, but this time she came back with a tribe of nurses and hospital equipment. Instead of being sick and then being OK again, she was just sick. People were always in our house, it felt like I was living somewhere else, none of any of this made sense. Just take her back to the hospital you stupid doctors and make her better like all the other times!!!
It's a Thursday night, I had just got back from netball and was looking in the cupboards for something to eat. The house was full of people again, it always was. I never looked anyone in the face, their expressions always gave them away. I just kept my head down and pretended that none of this was happening. I heard Dad coming and tried to make an escape to my room....Too Late. This is what I remember "Sweety you know that your Mum is not going to get better..." I looked at him blankly. I remember hearing my voice, saying no she was going to get better, just like all the other times. He then told me that there was another tumor, there was nothing that they could do. Mum is very sick and she is very tired. I think I died inside right there and then. Not just because I knew that she was leaving, but also because I just noticed how old my Dad suddenly looked. Some women then talked to all of us at the table while the ambulance men got my mother onto the stretcher. I hated everyone of these people. I hated this women for sitting there like she cared, like knowing that Mum was going to die was OK, that we were allowed to be sad blah blah blah. Get out of my house!!!
The ambulance officer wheeled Mum towards the door, he stopped and motioned to my Dad for us to come. Dad said it was time now to kiss Mummy good bye. We would go to the hospice tomorrow to see her again. I watched everyone kissing Mummy good bye. I remember looking at the women on that stretcher and not really seeing my Mummy there anymore, as if she was already gone. I kissed her and told her I loved her and went to bed. Maybe when I woke up, things would be OK again, we would go to the hospital in the morning and Mum would be sitting up and smiling again...right?!
On a Friday morning just after 9am, a Father, his 13 and 12 year old daughters helped their 6 year old bother into the car, waved goodbye to their Grandma and drove off to see their Mummy.
It's the most bizarre and serial feeling knowing that someone has just left the world. I can vividly recall walking into that hospital and as the doors opened I felt a sudden rush of warmth? peace? calm?....it's hard to describe. I was not scared, I was not anything. I felt like I had someone right next to me. I was walking in a dream. I heard the words from the nurse, I saw my Dad's shoulders slump over, I saw the confused look in my sister and brothers eyes. I knew she was gone. I felt the tears running down my cheeks, but I don't remember feeling anything. I still felt like someone was holding me. I remember my feet moving, following behind Dad, I looked up and there was my Mummy. She looked....So happy. Her eyes were closed, she was so very still, no more rasping breaths and heaving chest. She looked happy, peaceful and alive. I would not touch her, I did not want to feel her cold skin, I just wanted to remember every details of how she looked, because I had not seen her look this peaceful for such a long time. She was gone.
My Mother, known to many as Jenny-Jane, was 37 years of age when she passed away from a long battle with Cancer. We were 13, 12 and 8. I'm now 33 years old and still miss her as much as I did the day we said good bye.
I'm a very private person and do not talk about this very often in detail, but today I'm sharing my story with you, because there is a family out there right now, who are very close to having to say good bye to their Mummy. They need your generosity and love. They are 4 little souls who will be growing up without their Mummy and a husband who will loose the love of his life. She has 4 children aged from 5 years to 5 months old.
My heart goes out to the family. To the kids who will forever miss their Mummy and to the Father who will need your love and support to carry his kids through this.
If you are able to make a small donation to help the Coleman-Rupp Family, I know that it would be greatly appreciated. Please visit the link to their donation page on the Mycause website here (The Rupp Coleman Association).
I leave you with Rod Stewart. This was the song Mum left us with xox
Yesterday on our Facebook page I asked our followers to describe their Postnatal Depression in 5 words. The response was, in my opinion, powerful.
Depression and mental health can be impossible to explain to someone who has never been through it. Maybe just by using some powerful words, we can show others the overwhelming feelings associated with Depression.
What words stand out to you the most? Can you add any other words?
This week is Postnatal Depression awareness week. Let's band together and get the word out there. We might just help others to reach out for help. Join the conversation #bePNDaware Thank you for reading, Christina
Next week starting on the 18th November is Postnatal Depression Awareness week. There are 4 ways that you can get involved and join in the conversation.
1. Start Talking on Facebook. Jump on over to the PANDA website here and copy the above postcard to your computer. Then all you have to do is share it on your private page, business page or Blog.
2. Start talking on your blog (If you have one) Next week on this blog I will only be posting PND topics and I need your help! What I aim to do is share 'What PND looks like to me'. If you have a picture, a poem, a personal story, or even if you can sum up your experience in 5 to 10 words. Send this through to me here at our email address (mumshelpingmumspnd@gmail.com), with your details (or if you wish to remain anonymous, that is totally OK). The more we have, the more awareness we can raise. If you have your own blog, you can click here for information on how to link your post and PANDA's blogger guidelines.
3. Let your pictures do the talking on Instagram on Wed 21st November On Wednesday 21st November we’d love you to share your photos on
Instagram with the black and white filter and the hashtag #bePNDaware. You can find my Instagram web profile here and if you have the Instagram app on your phone, you can search for me via my username mumshelpingmumspndnetwork.
4. Start talking on Twitter The hashtag for the campaign is #bePNDaware so if you are sharing links
or images or talking about postnatal depression then just include this hashtag in your tweets.
4 easy ways to get involved next week to help raise awareness for Postnatal Depression. By sharing you may just reach out to someone to get the help they deserve :-) How will you be getting involved during Postnatal Depression Awareness Week? Will you be joining us on the blog next week?
For further information please visit the links below
I have signed up for an online 'happiness' course for sufferers of depression and anxiety. One of the modules suggests that I should create my own Wellness Toolbox.
Today I will be sharing with you, what I will be adding to my toolbox and over the coming weeks, I will come back and cover each Topic.
The idea is to come up with a list of things that you can do for a quick mood boost. Try to include any strategies, activities, or skills that have helped in the past. The more “tools” for coping with depression, the better. Try and implement a few of these ideas each day, even if you’re feeling good.
Here is my tool list...
Go outside Read a Good Book, or as much as you can while the kids are distracted Watch a Funny movie or YouTube clip Enjoy a warm bath Do some craft Sew Pin stuff on Pinterest
Listen to music
Get a few small tasks done and out of the way
Throw the ball around for the dogs
Write a blog post or journal entry
Go for a coffee and babycino at your favorite cafe
Talk to a friend
Talk to a health care Professional
Guided imagery
Journaling--writing in a notebook
Bake something yummy
Exercise
Take medications, vitamins, minerals, herbal supplements
Attend a support group
Do something "normal" like washing your hair, or going to work
Surround yourself with people who are positive, affirming and loving
Wear something that makes you feel good
Look through old pictures, scrapbooks and photo albums
Do something that makes you laugh
Do something special for someone else
Get some little things done
Repeat positive affirmations
Practice relaxation techniques. A daily relaxation practice
can help relieve symptoms of depression, reduce stress, and boost
feelings of joy and well-being. Try yoga, deep breathing,
progressive muscle relaxation, or meditation.
What would your Wellness Toolbox Look Like? Have I missed anything in my list?
Thank you for reading and for your support, Christina
Definition: Blame; bad conscience over responsibility
I'm suffering from the worst form of Mothers Guilt this week. Not the "oops I fed him too much biscuits and not enough fruit kind of guilt. The all consuming, I can't think or function guilt. The guilt that crawls it's way from your head, down into your belly where its moves itself in circles until you feel like you cant breath, or eat or think about anything else.
What have I done? I hear you ask.....
I'm going back to work. Something that would have been so simple before kids, has become such a process of planning, coordinating, stressing AND facing the realisation that i will miss him so much that my heart already aches.
I'm dreading the things he'll learn at Daycare, that I wish I could stay at home and teach him instead. The crying when I drop him off and the crying when I pick him up. The constant worrying that he wont eat or use the toilet when he is there.
I could keep going and going.......But I wont, I'll get back to organising and just hope that everything will fall into place as it should.
What Set's off your 'Mothers Guilt'? Do you have any advice on how I can overcome these feelings come 6am Monday morning? HELP!
Thank you for reading ~ Christina *Please read below for details on how to win yourself a Zipper Brooch.
My lovely friend Erica of Recycled Fashion is having a giveaway! If you want to win this very cool Zipper Brooch, just read the details below :-)
Erica is giving away three brooches. To
be in for a chance of winning one, all you need to
Today I will give you a run down on Me, as a First time Mother with Postnatal Depression.
"I'm not proud to say this but Motherhood in those first few months of my son's life sucked. They were by far the hardest months of my life. They were spent in a blur of tiredness, exhaustion, confusion and frustration.
I seriously thought babies slept ALL THE TIME! What was wrong with my baby, why will he not sleep! Why does he hate me so much? Why do I resent him? I just want sleep, sleep, sleep!!!! I think I spent those first few weeks either trying to sleep or thinking about sleep, and crying because I could not get sleep.
I expected this deep bond to develop as soon my son was placed on my chest, just like you see in the movies. I remember freaking out thinking "I'm exhausted get this baby away from me and let me sleep". I woke up an hour later in the delivery ward to him crying and I actually just sat there and waited for a nurse to come and tell me what to do. Where was this natural instinct you hear about? And why am I not feeling it?! My partner had organised 2 weeks off work, but got a call from work and only got to spend 3 days with us and then I was left on my own. ALONE....I was seriously all ALONE. I have never felt so alone in my life. I just wanted to die. I wanted to just close my eyes and not wake up.
I was exhausted, I missed my Mother terribly and just felt like the biggest failure in the world. I had this miracle baby that I was never meant to be able to conceive...and I was failing. I could not bring myself to cuddle him, I just fed him and then sat staring at the wall...I felt no attachment to him, I knew deep down that I loved him, but I just could not feel it. What a terrible person I was. I grew up with such warmth and love from my mother and I could not even bring myself to look at my son. What a failure I was, I hated myself. I stopped getting dressed, I stopped eating, I started smoking again and when I was not trying to get my son to sleep I just sat there staring at nothing, just staring so lost in those horrible, dark scary feelings.
Sure when people were around I smiled, I looked OK on the outside, but no one noticed that I was making everyone else hold the baby because I could not myself. I never called anyone, how the hell do you tell someone you want to kill yourself because you cant love your baby? They would freak out, take my son away and lock me up forever!!! How do you ask for help when your too afraid to even ask for it?
One night my son was crying, I tried the usual...feed, check nappy, burps, put him back down tucked him in and still crying. I sat on the couch and started to freak out! I mean freak out....I was crying. My partner yelled out that maybe he just wants a cuddle from his Mum? Hmm I got up, picked him up and for the first time in 6 weeks, I cuddled my baby, I held him tight and he stopped, he fell asleep within seconds. Finally I felt that immense bond that only parents can understand...Wow. That's when I went the other extreme! From that point on, I changed and could NOT let my baby out of my sight!! He was mine, not yours, don't touch him! With the exception of close family and some Friends I could not bring myself to hand him over.
One night I totally lost it. Apparently I was acting like a crazy person. I had my son safely tucked into his cot and I curled up in a ball in the corner of his room and cried and cried and cried. I have no idea why, I just cried and cried and cried. I just felt so panicked, no idea why i felt that way, but i felt so out of control that i was about to explode. I got to the point where I was crying so hard and breathing so rapidly that I think I blanked out for a few minutes. I got up and headed to the kitchen with nothing on my mind other then finding whatever pills we had in the house and taking them ALL, but instead I heard my son cry and I snapped out of it.....Instead I grabbed my phone and called my Big sister. It was midnight but she sat there and listened to me. It was the first time I had freaked out in front of anyone, but she said nothing, never judged me, never told me how stupid and irrational or crazy I was being. She just listened to my crazy, irrational ranting. Looking back I'm really ashamed of the way I acted and I still cannot explain it to my partner, but that night made me realise that something was not normal with how I was feeling.
At my sons next Health check up, my awesome Health Nurse Christie (who I will be eternally grateful to) asked me to fill out a questionnaire to see how I was coping. She took one look at my score, leaned over and gave me a hug and said 'you poor thing, you have been dealing with this for so long.....You don't have to ask me for help because I m going to get it for you". I broke down....Finally someone saw something in me and helped me. I was booked into a support group and eventually accepted medication. I would love to say I got better straight away, but it took time. In fact to this day I still struggle with depression but I'm not too afraid to ask for help anymore and I know I'm not alone. I'm still very ashamed of those early months with my son.
Today I'm happy to report that my Son and I have an amazing bond and a very close relationship. He's my Little best Friend and I could not imagine life without him. It just took me longer to bond with my baby and you know what...That's OK, sometimes it happens like that."
Please do not be afraid to ask for help. I wanted to start this group and blog so that we as Mum's with PND can help each other. We need to be here for each other every step of the way.
If you or someone you know needs help with PND please contact your Doctor and/or Health Nurse. You can also jump online to PANDA for help.
We all know what I mean when I refer to 'bad' days. It's those horrible days when your mind will not let go of the negative thoughts and your body just does not want to move. It's those days when you wish the ground would just open up beneath you and carry you away...and nothing, no matter how hard you try can get you out of it.
I have been asked on our Facebook page for advice on getting through the 'bad' days. Here are my top 10 tips on getting through those days
10 Tips for getting through the 'Bad' days of Depression
1. Get out of the house (Even if you have to force yourself or wear your PJ's)
If only I had this meadow to walk in
Image source here
2. Don't set yourself any overwhelming chores or tasks (Make easy meals like toasted sandwiches, steamed veggies, cereal, forget about the big housework task's, stay in your PJ's all day if it makes it easier)
3. Have a movie day (I know it goes against all the parenting advice the professionals say, but Mums with PND don't fit into their 'box'...but dare I say it, let your kids watch a movie. If it means they will sit still for more then 5 minutes and let you sit & have a little time to yourself, then go for it. You NEED ME TIME)
OK you might not look this ecstatic, but that's how my head would feel with 5 minutes of peace!
4. When the kids are in bed or having a sleep take a warm bath or shower, sometimes it can help relax your tired, tense body and mind.
5. Listen to music that you find calming ( I find that sometimes when i sing along or listen to the words I stop concentrating on whats going on in my head)
Just not as corny :-)
6. If your like me and also suffer from anxiety, try to keep busy. (I like to craft or sew. I find its a great distraction and takes concentration. Again anything that gets your mind away from those negative thoughts is going to help you. My crazy Big sister likes to Vacuum when she's stressed, I personally hate my vacuum, but she says that it helps her)
7. Call a friend or go out for coffee with the kids & a friend (Try to make it a positive friend or at least someone who will listen with an open heart and provide you with some calm and comforting words of comfort).
8. Get on YouTube and search for funny Cat's......Have a giggle!
9. Again GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! I cant stress this one enough. Even if you just walk out the back door in your PJ's.....The fresh air and sunshine (if its there) will make a huge difference, it really does I promise.
10. Do some yoga. (You might not be able to do the meditation, but try the breathing while you do the stretches.....it's actually amazing the difference it makes to your body and mind. My yoga takes me 15mins a day and it makes all the difference).
Sorry I'm stuck on the cats now
And remember....Tomorrow could be a perfect day. It does pass, the thoughts disappear and life looks rosy again. So hold onto that knowledge that tomorrow could be a better day xox
What tips do you have to get through the 'Bad Days'?
Following on from our Post on What is Postnatal Depression, I know ask you to ponder why so many of us fear asking for help.
Just recently I took myself to the doctors for the umpteenth time. Each visit I feel the same, I feel like I'm failing, that I must be doing something wrong. I start questioning whether I'm just making it all up.
So why are we afraid to ask for help?
I raised this question on our Facebook page a few weeks ago and the common response was FEAR.
Fear of admitting failure. I don't like failing. I wish I could do everything perfectly. But to who's perfect? To yours? To your partner/Husband?...Who places these expectations on us. No one, not even that happy, perfect looking Mother in the supermarket gets it right every single day. We should allow ourselves little failures so that we can continue to learn and grow.
Fear of medication was also another reason stopping some from help. Fear of what the antidepressants would do, if they would change them, make them worse, or just not wanting any medication at all. In my case, I have a strong aversion to meds, I don't like them, but right now as I type this, I'm taking them. I like to think of them as a crutch for my broken mind. It helps me get to where I need to be to recover. My anxiety was so bad that I used to get the shakes and it was interfering with my everyday life. The anti depressants I'm on are only very mild and have made no difference to my personality or daily life, they just keep those feelings of panic away until I can fight them alone. I'm not saying this to sway you to take them, They are there to help those who wish to take them.
Most of the Mothers admitted that they waited to seek help until they reached breaking point or their relationships were falling apart. Please if you are reading this now and think you might need help, don't wait until you cannot cope anymore. There is help out there..
There is no shame in asking for help There is no failure in asking for help There is no judgement in asking for help
You are stronger then you believe and you can do this.
Reach out to your GP, Child health nurse for help. Talk to someone close to you you for support. Please don't wait any longer, it will get better and easier, but you need to be strong and take that first step....and we're here for you every step of the journey.
Today
is R U OK?Day - We are encouraged to check in with each other today and
ask the question 'Are you OK?', to stop little problems becoming
bigger.
Almost 4 years ago I walked into my son's 3 months check up with my Child Health nurse. I was a shell of a person, barely coping and feeling totally isolated from my world. I had no idea I needed help, I would not have had any idea of how to ask for it, but I needed it badly.
I was very lucky & blessed to meet Christie my child health nurse that day, after checking over my son, whilst glancing at me constantly, she sat down next to me and said "are you alright"? I said "I think so, I'm not sure". If she had not have asked me if I was OK, I do not wish to think how much worse I would have been. She made me acknowledge that something was wrong, that the little bubble I was living in, was not where I should be. She saved me that day, saved me from
myself, helped me to see that how I was feeling was not 'normal' and I
needed help to get out of it.
Such a simple question isn't it? Yet so scary because you just don't know what to do if they say No I'm not OK. And yes the answer is sometimes scary and not straight forward. Since starting Mums Helping Mums PND support Network I have spoken to many other sufferers and most days my computer screen is filled with Mums who are not ok. It's scary and sometimes confronting, but If I and others had not started such support networks, where would these amazing women go when they are not ok?
How to say 'I'm not ok' (for further info please visit here)
There are many ways you can access support, including:
Calling a crisis line for immediate help
Visiting your local doctor
Talking to someone you trust
Making an appointment to see a counsellor or psychologist
Help lines
1800 RUOKDAY (7865 329) - This number connects you to five of Australia's crisis and information lines: Lifeline, Suicide Call Back Service, Kids Helpline, SANE Australia helpline and beyondblue Info Line.
PANDA 1300 726 306 - PANDA's telephone information, support and referral service
SANE Australia - 1800 18 SANE (7263) - Telephone mental illness advice and referrals
beyondblue - 1300 22 4636 - Info line for depression, anxiety and related disorders.
I'd be totally OK with Hugh Jackman
You don't need to be a professional, just pick up the phone and call family or a friend and check in to make sure they are OK. Open your ears, listen without judgement and be prepared to follow through. A simple conversation could help someone or even save them.
R U Ok? Please comment below or contact me here if you need support today or any day.
What is Postnatal Depression? (Now referred to as Perinatal Depression)
Many Mums will experience some degree of mood swings following the birth of their baby, commonly referred to as The Baby Blues. However Postnatal Depression refers to a more severe or prolonged experience of depression. The depression will last for more then a week and interferes with the Mothers ability to function on a daily basis with the normal routine, including in most cases caring and/or bonding with their baby.
For around one in seven women the stresses and emotional changes that
accompany their postnatal experiences can be intense and include strong
depressive mood swings, anxiety, social withdrawal, irritability and
loss of enjoyment in usual activities. Postnatal disorders can
interfere with the developing relationship between a mother and her baby
after birth (bonding and attachment) and impose strains upon the
parental relationship as well as causing distress for women themselves.
Severe disorders require treatment and it is very important to tell
your doctor or midwife about current symptoms of distress as well as any
past history or medication use.
How do I know if I have Postnatal Depression?
There are few symptoms to look out for and they are included in point form below...
loss of enjoyment in usual activities/hobbies
loss of self-esteem and confidence
loss of appetite and weight or increased appetite and weight gain
Sleep disturbance unrelated to baby's sleep needs
sense of hopelessness and being a failure
a wish not to be alive
panic attacks
loss of libido
fears for baby’s or partners safety or wellbeing.
Crying or not being able to cry
Inability to cope
Irritability
Anxiety
Negative, morbid or obsessive thoughts
Fear of being alone or fear of being with others
Memory difficulties and loss of concentration
Feeling guilty and inadequate
Thoughts of harm to self, baby or suicide
Keeping it real. My personal Description of what Postnatal Depression is
For me Postnatal Depression was like someone just took my life and swapped it with a new one I'd never lived before. Suddenly everything I knew, everything I was comfortable with was gone. It's like I went to sleep and woke up with a screaming baby. Any ounce of confidence and self esteem I had before that moment was gone.
I lost enjoyment in everything, I no longer wanted to leave the house, I did not even enjoy holding the baby, hated the breast feeding, hated getting out of bed. I stopped eating and got sick, could not sleep in the precious few hours I could actually sleep. Kept all the curtains closed and avoided sunlight. I always felt like I was failing at whatever i was doing, I used to cry because the kettle would not boil fast enough or if I missed a TV show. I had constant nightmares & thoughts of dropping my baby or losing him. I spent every day in a ball of anxiety & always on the verge of panic. But most of all I was just plain old miserable! I was just unable to smile or see anything other then misery in everything, I was walking around unable to feel or think. You could have stabbed me in the foot with a sharp object and I would not be able to react....I was just walking around in some kind of fog and when I try to think back to the first 12 weeks (the worst of the sleep deprivation) I honestly could not tell you anything, I just don't remember.
Asking for help is often the hardest part of the recovery and second to
that is accepting treatment...but I promise you that it's worth it and
it's OK.
It is very important to seek help if you are experiencing any distressing symptoms. Please make contact with your GP, Midwife, or Child Health Nurse.
The information I have provided is very brief, for more information I recommend you speak to your GP, or Child Health Nurse. Also the websites below are an excellent resource I always refer back to...
"On Thursday 15 September, 2011 is R U OK?Day. It’s a national day of action which aims to prevent suicide by encouraging Australians to connect with someone they care about and help stop little problems turning into big ones.
On that day we want everyone across the country, from all backgrounds and walks of life, to ask family, friends and colleagues: "Are you OK?".
Staying connected with others is crucial to our general health and well being. Feeling isolated or hopeless can contribute to depression and other mental illnesses, which can ultimately result in suicide. Regular, meaningful conversations can protect those we know and love.
It's so simple. In the time it takes to have a coffee, you can start a conversation that could change a life."
I know how difficult it can be to approach someone and ask them if they are OK. In truth, I'm afraid of the answer. What if they say they are not OK? What do I do then? But we should not let our fear of an answer get in the way of caring for someone else. When you ask someone if they are OK, do you hang around to listen? Do you actually hear their answer? Do you even know what to say? Do you know within the last 3 years struggling with Postnatal Depression I don't think I have ever been asked the simple question R U OK? To be honest I'm not sure i would have ever been able to say anything other then I'm fine, but that simple question might just make my walls come tumbling down and save me from myself. Here is a list of things that well-intentioned people said to me and others (This information provided from myself and other Mums on our Support Page)
It’s all in your head. You need to think positive.
Why don’t you try and exercise?
Go Shopping and you will feel better.
Meditation and yoga are all you need.
Get a new job.
Are you happy in your relationship?
You have everything you need to get better & Do you WANT to feel better?
Everyone has problems
"Chin up - do you want me to come and clean the house?
"You have a happy healthy baby, what have you got to be sad about?'
You just need a good nights sleep
There are allot of other people out there who are far worse off then you
What do you have to be depressed about
Your just being silly, get some sleep and you'll be fine
Whatever happened to the simple questions of R U OK?
I really feel that people are just afraid of the answer and I also believe that people are afraid to answer honestly.
So This Thursday the 15th of September lets ask our Friends, Kids, Colleagues and Loved ones R U OK? And be prepared for an honest answer. It's OK you don't need to know what to say, sometimes it's the simple act of showing that you care enough to ask in the first place that can make a difference to that person and possibly save a life.
